


Lost You in the Darkness I've Let In - A drabble/one-shot collection

by Adri_K



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, saul karath shows up at one point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adri_K/pseuds/Adri_K
Summary: Just an archive for prompted fics I've posted on tumblr featuring Alek a.k.a. Squint and my Revan, Zhae. The scenes are taking place in the Mandalorian Wars, so expect some angst and some fluff.
Relationships: Alek | Darth Malak & Revan, Alek | Darth Malak/Female Revan, Alek | Darth Malak/Revan
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for medically induced sedation.

Zhae had a hard time deciding whether she was pained, relieved or both. She stood next to a sickbed in the infirmary of the… she realized she couldn’t tell which ship she was on. For the last couple of days, Revan has been searching, hunting relentlessly. She followed one lead after the other; she transferred from one ship to the next. She removed herself from the war, from the galaxy and even from the rest of herself to a degree. Finding Alek and rescuing him from the Mandalorians were the only things that mattered. Fortunately, Revan had results to show for her efforts – but at the same time, seeing her dearest friend wounded hurt her in the most unexpected ways.

‘Most of the General’s injuries have been treated,’ a medical droid reported to Zhae. She barely heard anything. Alek demanded most of her attention. ‘He still has some minor wounds, however our chief medical officer believes that they will heal quickly due to the self-healing abilities of Jedi Knights.’

‘Why is he still unconscious then?’ Revan’s voice rang with exhaustion and impatience.

‘He received a large dose of sedatives while he was in the kolto tank. The effects have not worn off yet. He is estimated to awake in a few hours.’

Zhae acknowledged the report with a few absentminded nods. It took her several seconds to realize that the droid was still standing next to her, waiting for further instructions. ‘Dismissed,’ she said and the droid left without another word.

Revan stepped closer to Alek’s bed and reached for his scalp to caress him with trembling hands. His hair might have fallen out thanks to the Mandalorians’ torture but she could still remember – she could still feel – the sensation of his dark strands against her fingers. She sighed bitterly at the strange dissonance then removed her cape and her helmet. She kicked off her boots then climbed on the bed that was barely big enough for Alek alone.

‘Move, you bantha-sized Sith-spawn,’ she groaned as she tried to find a comfortable position. She ended up with her legs intertwined with Alek’s, her arm flung across his torso and her head resting on his chest. Hearing his strong and steady heartbeat nearly overwhelmed Zhae with relief. ‘You really had me scared for you, Squint,’ she confessed with a shaky voice. ‘I… it was ridiculous. Don’t even think about doing this to me again.’

‘Don’t worry…’ Alek mumbled to Revan’s surprise, ‘my… mind feels too… too… hazy to… think…’ he mustered all his strength to lift his arms and embrace Zhae. He fell back asleep a moment later, still holding on to her and for the first time in a long while, Zhae drifted off into a deep sleep with a smile on her face as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for force choking.

Revan knew this would happen and yet she still felt her hope fade as she read the reports on the Battle of Serroco. She scoffed. This was not even a battle, it was a massacre. The Mandalorian attack on the planet was anticipated and Admiral Karath camped his soldiers outside the Stereb cities. The Mandalorians weren’t wasteful, they wouldn’t have destroyed the resources of the planet. They weren’t senseless in their warfare, they wouldn’t have aimed at civilians. There was no glory in such things. Or so it was believed. But Zhae had a bad feeling about the plan, she warned the Admiral not to count on anything he knew about the Mandalorians: they have proven to be willing to abandon their ideals if it brought them victory before.

And she was proven to be right, even though she truly wished she wasn’t.

Zhae and Alek were waiting for Admiral Karath on the bridge of the Solemn Oath. The Admiral and his men were able to escape the planet but many were not so lucky. Revan couldn’t tear her eyes away from the screens listing those soldiers who were unaccounted for. She sent some of her strongest Jedi to help in the assault, Jedi who were meant to win the war for her and the Republic, and now they were either dead or missing. Zhae was overcome with frustration and hopelessness ever since the first reports came in – not even her mask could hide it. The soldiers scurrying around on the bridge barely dared to look at her, Alek tried to talk to her but gave up after a few futile attempts at starting a conversation.

Revan was too preoccupied to pay attention to any of them, she could only think of one thing: what it might’ve taken to win the war after this. She had an idea… but it terrified her. More than anything else the war has shown her.

The silence that fell upon the bridge when Saul Karath arrived was almost deafening. The stillness was offset by the Admiral’s footsteps, and the fear in Zhae turned into rage as quickly as he approached. He seemed to be aware of his mistakes and he came to take responsibility with dignity. Revan found him disgusting. He didn’t deserve to walk with such determination, he didn’t deserve to raise his gaze on her. She wanted to see shame and regret, he wanted to see him pay for his arrogance.

‘Supreme Commander,’ Admiral Karath saluted her, ‘you have summoned me.’

Zhae’s closed fist brushed against her lightsaber. She clenched her teeth so hard it hurt.

‘We’d like to hear what happened on Serroco exactly,’ Alek spoke on her behalf, when he saw her barely contained rage.

The Admiral looked down at his feet for a moment. ‘I have already submitted my report,’ he turned his attention back to Alek, ‘I have nothing more to add.’

‘I beg to differ,’ Revan hissed. She reached out and envisioned the Force flowing through her, swirling around her fingers, speeding toward the Admiral. Saul reached for his collar and as Zhae tightened her grasp on the empty air, his discomfort turned to suffocation.

‘Revan, what are-‘

Before Alek could finish the sentence, Revan focused on lifting her victim slightly and floating him closer to herself. 

‘I think this warrants an explanation,’ she pointed at the screens beside her with her free hand. ‘Was it your pride that demanded this sacrifice? Or was it cowardice?’

‘Supr… Commander…’ the Admiral gurgled, ‘we thought… the Mandalorians would…’

‘Pride it is,’ Zhae let Saul go. He fell on the ground in front of her, struggling to catch his breath. ‘You’re lucky I’m a little short on soldiers right now,’ she turned to Alek, who seemed to have been terrified by her display of anger. At that moment… Revan realized she was just as terrified as well. ‘I… I will be in my quarters,’ she said and before anyone could raise any questions she left the bridge.

She wandered the corridors lost in her thoughts. Revan knew that the war would push her close to the Dark Side and lately… she wondered if that truly was a bad thing. The path of the Jedi was hardly suited to meet the ruthlessness of the Mandalorians. A Sith would have looked at those casualty reports and wouldn’t have cared. A Sith would have known exactly how to retaliate. A Sith would have… no longer been Zhae. That is what scared her but at the same time, her fall felt so certain, so inevitable that it also almost felt right.

‘There you are, I’ve been looking for you all over the ship,’ Alek’s voice stopped her in her tracks. Revan looked up at her friend only to realize that her face was stained by her tears beneath the helmet.

‘I felt like taking a walk,’ she said. ‘I needed to cool down a little.’

‘That’s an understatement,’ Alek scolded her but there was concern in his gaze as well. He looked around, trying to see if there was anyone listening before leaning closer to Revan. ‘What happened back there?’

‘What did it look like?’

Alek seemed baffled by the response. ‘Like you got dangerously close to the Dark Side,’ he stated the obvious.

Zhae took a few steps to the side, trying to think of a way to explain herself. She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. ‘Yes, well… I did get close. I’m… I’m questioning if I should’ve gotten closer.’

‘If this is one of your tasteless jokes, it’s-‘

‘It’s not,’ Revan didn’t need Alek’s protests in addition to her own. ‘I don’t know if we can win like this. The Mandalorians are abandoning their ways to outmaneuver us. Maybe… maybe that’s what we should be doing too.’

‘Zhae, you can’t be serious,’ Alek stepped closer to her. ‘I know, things seem dire right now and we strayed from our path already but… to abandon the Jedi way entirely…’

Revan sighed. ‘I know, it’s a scary thought,’ she turned her attention to the ground for a few moments. ‘Do you remember what my old master used to say about falling to the Dark Side? That it’s the ultimate betrayal of the self,’ she laughed bitterly. ‘If I can betray myself like that, what’s stopping me from betraying others? Who knows if I can ever come back from that?’

‘I certainly can’t answer that. So let’s not test it, shall we?’ Alek placed a hand on Zhae’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. ‘I, for one, am not ready to say goodbye to the Zhae I know just yet,’ he made his best effort at a comforting smile. Revan found him ridiculous.

‘Squint, you’re the lamest when you’re trying to be nice.’

‘Oh, shut up,’ he picked up his friend and gave her the tightest hug he could muster. Zhae was convinced he broke at least two of her ribs, or at least, that’s what she jokingly told him once he let her go.

They laughed it off, but the doubt remained.


End file.
